Disney Purchases Wizards Of The Coast From Hasbro And 4 Improvements Disney Brings To D&D 5th Edition

I remember where I was the day it happened. Like when your mom or dad talks about the day Kennedy got shot or when NASA faked the first moon landing. August 31st 2009, I was naked on my leather couch, reading Age of Bronze, and eating a beef and bean burrito. I had the TV on in the background on CNN. Then I heard it; Disney had acquired Marvel in a 4 billion dollar deal gaining possession of over 5000 characters at the time. It was a good move for Disney, they’ve gone on to make 8.5 billion from it, but at the time I just choked on bean and zesty beef. The wheel of time has moved on assuaging my terror that Marvel comics would be mousified, and an unstoppable Disney continues to diversify its portfolio.
 
In February when Disney purchased Wizards of the Coast it created some speculation as to the viability of the 5th edition as family friendly merchandise, those questions were answered this morning when they announced potential developments for D&D, more in line with it’s family orientated entertainment model. So in these uncertain times I write to reassure you that things will be alright, fear not, here are 4 things that Disney’s acquisition of Wizards of the Coast will improve in the 5th edition.

1. In order to streamline combat and to lessen the amount of subjective interpretation of rules by players and GMs, they will be adding an additional 78 pages of new standards to the Players Handbook and 95 pages to the Dungeon Masters Guide, in order to bring the game back to the books. While Feats will now become mandatory for characters when they level up, ‘Advantage’ and ‘Disadvantage’ will be improved upon with additional circumstantial modifiers of ‘Zippidy’ and ‘Dooda’ based upon class.

2. Additional classes have been added while some have been removed. Players will have the pleasure of playing as: anthropomorphic construct, witch/nanny, Greek demigod, or parrot. Multi-classing is now mandatory and regulated as every character take bard as one class. Sheet music and lyrics will be provided as an optional component in the release of future game modules (inclusive to the re-write of Curse of Strahd). Sorcerer, Warlock, and Wizard, have been integrated into Faerie, while the class Rogue has been imagineered into something called ‘Love Interest’.

3. The 5th Edition starter set will now be based upon Frozen. While it will still contain the 64 pages need for every GM, it will come with and additional 78 pages of core rules for players, and comes with 5 pre-generated characters: Anna, Elsa, Kristoff, Olaf, and Giant Snowman.

4. In game character development will become the proprietary rights of the Walt Disney Corporation. Anything your character does or says in game must be in line with both the production standards at Disney and their high moral conduct. 15 pages of the additional 78 pages added to the Players Handbook will set forth player approved dialog and behaviors within the game. Wenching, binge-drinking, teen pregnancy, and killing are strictly and legally prohibited. 
Well, there you have it, a throw back to an earlier, better time in gaming. A time when a family could sit down and try to defeat a Beholder. If Disney’s success with the Marvel line is any indication of their future success with Wizard’s, then I’m all in. We need to embrace change, like the assistant to the janitor tells me to embrace the moldy smell of the carpet in my cubicle instead of doing something about it. But he smells like mildew, so I’m pretty sure he’s in on it. 

About Ryan: ​So I try to read about 50 comics a week, depending on my ability to pay the power bill. I try to read as much new and independent works as my tried and trusted favorites, and I’ve been doing this for years. Thus, I can roughly say that I am pretty decent at comicology, however I hold no formal degree. Luckily, degrees are no substitute for common sense and that’s how I got this gig. Read about his thoughts on how Comics Inform RPG Character Death here. 

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