We’ve all been there. That moment when our best laid plans fall to dust around us, maybe chasing that kobold over that tiny stone bridge wasn’t the best idea, maybe choosing to keep the obviously evil yet enchanted dagger is coming back to literally bite you in the behind. Trouble is always around the next corner and it’s probably caused by your poor personal choices and not just in-game. Things can go south out-game just as fast. What seems like a brilliant idea on the drive over might reach its full potential when it comes to play. It always pays to show a little caution when bringing your best creative ideas in front of your friends and there are some things that you should just not bring to the table.
1) I’M GARY, LARRY’S TWIN BROTHER
Now a lot of these points are personal and this one sorta bugs me. Don’t cross off Larry’s name on your character sheet when he dies and jot down Gary. I know some times this must happen in circumstances when time becomes essential for the group but it kinda negates the more exciting elements of the game that involve risk and reveals you to be super lazy. As I’ve mentioned before character death should be meaningful for the majority of games to function as they were designed.
2) WHAT IS THAT? AN 8 OR 2?
Don’t bring dice so small or elaborate or written in some language or code that you can’t understand. Any roll that takes you over 1 minute to figure out is 50 seconds to long. When I DMed games I can honestly say that players that didn’t have their rolls figured out right away were super annoying. As a player I’m more understanding but don’t see the point in using dice that can’t be read, it slows down the game taking away time from the story.
3) YOUR ELDERLY COUSIN BOB FROM FLORIDA
Now don’t get me wrong bringing new people into the game is an important aspect of growth. We’re all ambassadors to the game and by principle we should attempt to be inclusive of others… but don’t bring someone new every week, or even someone new every 2 weeks. Whether it is an out of town relative who was only mildly curious or your girlfriend/boyfriend of 3 days, please put some thought into it. People who you care about and care about you are great but it doesn’t necessarily translate into a mutual love of gaming, and it might make others at the table a little weirded out.
4) 80 PROOF
To say I’m not a big drinker would be an understatement but I don’t mind if others do. In fact I prefer some of the other people I play with when they drink. But let’s get one thing straight: there’s drunk and then there’s DRUNK. Now I play with people that bring some serious game to the table and we know not to take ourselves too seriously, but I’ve heard some pretty crazy stories from others back in the day that destroyed friendships, campaigns, and bathrooms. It only takes one person to wreck a party and nobody wants to be THAT guy. Anyways have fun but don’t bring the toilet vodka your convict uncle made for you before his release.
Anyways if you are as annoyed by these things as I am let me know in the comments below. Aw man, I totally forgot to mention the babies.
I am become death, destroyer of worlds.