Every group has been there at some point: a player drops out of your D&D campaign, leaving your party down an adventurer and decidedly incomplete. And it wasn’t just any party member: the party leader has left! Your party now needs to find a new leader. Your party searches throughout all of Neverwinter seeking the best adventurer to join your party (well, the best adventurer who’d be willing to join your party). You’ve narrowed down your search to four candidates, but everyone is pretty convinced it’ll come down to a choice between two of them. The candidates are all known to one another and are competing to join your group. And now for the question at hand: who will you hire to join your party?
Important disclaimer- any resemblance to persons real or fictional is completely intentional. The following content is satirical and in no way representative of any opinions or beliefs of anyone at High Level Games, the author included. If any of the following offends you, we do apologize and ask that you please lighten up.
1. Hillard Stinton-
Level 15 Rogue. The rogue has a shady past: there have been many accusations, but nothing has stuck. She has the thief Roguish Archetype but claims to have the magical abilities of an arcane trickster. She has a high intelligence but a low charisma, a point the bard continually brings up. Despite this, she has skills in persuasion, deception, and intimidate, which she uses regularly and to good effect. She is the most experienced member of the available candidates, having been adventuring for longer than the others; she brings this up whenever the bard is being uppity. She competed with the fabled rogue Popular Folk Hero for her spot as a candidate. She defeated him soundly, though claims of foul play abound. She wields a +1 rapier and leather armor tailored in the shape of a pant-suit.
2. Ronald Stump-
Level 14 Bard. The most vocal of all the candidates, the bard believes he can do everything the best. No one expected him to be in the running for this opening, as he had to best many other bards of higher levels to even be considered. He has very high charisma and a chaotic disposition, and as a result is either loved or hated by everyone. Claims to come from the College of Lore, but actually is a part of the College of Valor. He refuses to give Bardic Inspiration to rogues, even in tight spots. Favored spells are fear, suggestion, and vicious mockery. He had an accident in his youth while experimenting with the ‘Disguise Self’ spell, permanently disfiguring his hair. Very proud of his treasure hoard. Arguably the most effective of the party in one-on-one combat. Wields a mundane battle-axe and is wearing +1 plate armor; he may not be proficient with these armaments, but try telling that to him.
3. Trill Klein-
Level 8 Druid. A well-intentioned but little-known among the other candidates, she set out from her druidic grove to make the world a better place. Unfortunately, she isn’t likely to actually defeat any opponents in combat, but she will be happy just to have participated. Originally having studied to be a physician (as well as being the only one among the candidates with divine magic), she would be perfectly suited to play the role of healer. Very passionate about the preservation of nature and the collection of herbs for the brewing of potions. Her favored spells are cure wounds, plant growth, and pass without trace. Especially hates the “overuse” of the grease spell currently found in wizarding society. She is unarmed and unarmored.
4. Larry Swanson-
Level 9 Wizard. He wants to be seen by everyone as the go-to candidate, but few people have taken him seriously. He especially wants to participate in melees like the bard and rogue, but he has not been allowed (something about wizards and being in a support role). He has a moderate intelligence but a low wisdom. His knowledge is deep but limited; he knows a great deal about his areas of expertise, but lacks even basic knowledge about things and places he hasn’t studied. He is also the most physically capable of all the candidates, bizarre given his choice to be a wizard. His specialty spells include dream and confusion, which he sometimes accidentally casts simultaneously. He wields a wand of ‘Freedom of Movement’, which he uses in almost every engagement, being a big believer in personal freedoms (of movement). Being a wizard, he is also unarmored.
So there you have it, the four best candidates which you’ve found to lead your party. This is an important choice and shouldn’t be taken lightly, as the future of your party may be at stake. Thankfully, no matter who is selected, there will be many happy years of D&D ahead of us. Lord knows we’re going to need them.
- Jake recently returned back to his native U.S. from a brief sojourn in Canada, deciding that he desperately wanted to participate in American democracy for this particular election. Sigh.
I am become death, destroyer of worlds.